I’m going to put this one in the Town Drunk counter although upon further review as they say in the NFL…this guy wasn’t actually drunk since he is some sort of fundamentalist and while there isn’t anything particularly wrong with that…I’m sure that alcohol has never touched his lips.
Anyhow; a couple weeks ago we were headed out kayaking early in the morning. After we were outside Connie had to go back in the rig for something…and when she grabbed the latch on the door something alive moved under her fingers. She shrieked like a girl (not quite as good as Carol Fellis but that’s a whole ‘nother story) and yelled “Oh my god!”. It turned out that it was just a little tree frog but it had scared the living daylights out of her. Neil was practically rolling on the ground he was laughing so hard, the neighbors though it was funny as well and we were preparing to go on about our business.
Well, about this time Mr. Weirdo shows up. Must have been all of 110 pounds soaking wet although if you shaved off his Grizzly Adams beard he would have likely lost 15 pounds. Dressed in overalls, a red flannelwife-beater T-shirt (or maybe it was long johns, I couldn’t be sure), and boots. He starts in telling her how he overheard her on his morning constitutional and how she’s taking the Lord’s name in vain (which was technically true I guess)…and she said as to how it particularly startled her and that was the reason. The guy slowly nods his head in understanding…and that’s when things got weird and he went straight to crazy. He went down this tangent (tangent nothing, he was completely on some other planet somewhere, that ain’t no darned tangent says Neil) where he claimed that saying golly or gee whiz or gosh or goodness or oh my gosh were also taking the Lord’s name in vain since all of those were just substitutions for God and therefore and henceforth were Bad™.
At this point Neil started hearing the theme from The Twilight Zone in his head so he hopped in the bed of BAT, worked on lashing the kayak down for our trip, and generally tried to alternate between ignoring Mr. Weirdo and insulting him hoping he would leave. He thought about telling him that we were Satanist-Druid-Wiccans and inviting him to a moonlight at midnight frog sacrifice, blood drinking orgy and entrails reading but decided against it. He went on for another 5 minutes or so until Neil finally told Connie to mount up since we were leaving. Funny though; since then Neil’s seem him a couple of times wandering around the campground and he keeps trying to make friends…despite Neil’s just ignoring him.
It takes all kinds I guess. While saying Oh my God is technically taking the Lord’s name in vain she was somewhat startled and I have no idea where that whole golly/gee whiz thing came from other than way, way, way out in left field somewhere past Elm Street and halfway to Strangeville.
Sorry, no picture of Mr. Weirdo; he said that the camera would capture his soul if I took his picture. Just imagine a 5’ 4″ 110 pound Grizzly Adams with big, crazy, bulging glassy eyes and you’ll have the look about right.
I just thought I would share:-)